Boundaries... and the Alamo Drafthouse

There is a theater in Austin, Texas called the Alamo Drafthouse.  They have a policy (like most theaters) that people shouldn't talk or text during the movies they show.  After all, it can disturb the movie for other people.  While a lot of theaters ask their customers not to do these things, very few do anything about those that break the rules.  Not so with the Alamo Drafthouse.  They actually kick people out of the theater if they are texting or talking on their phones.  In fact, they're so proud of this policy, they actually took an angry phone message from someone they had thrown out of their theater and used it in their advertising.  Take a look.   WARNING:  The caller uses rough language, although it's been edited to remove the profanity.  

While most retail places may have the policy, "The customer is always right," the Alamo Drafthouse apparently feels differently.  Sometimes the customer is wrong when they disregard the theater's policy.  The actions of the Alamo Drafthouse show that they feel creating a safe environment for the majority of their customers is more important than the individual desires of one person.  In psychological terms, this is called creating a boundary.  They created a boundary that states that people will not text or makes calls in their theater, and they have consequences for people that cross those boundaries.

We all create boundaries in our lives.  Maybe not as dramatically as the Alamo Drafthouse, but boundaries just the same.  There are things that we find acceptable for people to do around us and things we don't.  For example, your best friend can maybe borrow some eggs from your refrigerator, but probably not your toothbrush.  

Our connections with people sometimes push boundaries to the limit and our partners, our business associates or our families sometimes cross them.  And we don't like to have our boundaries disrespected.  Yet it happens all the time.  Bosses keep us late, even though our families are counting on us to be home.  Couples have different needs and one person may pressure the other into doing what they want.  A family may set a rule for a child and the child may disobey.  

How we establish and protect our boundaries can mean the difference between feeling empowered in our lives and feeling victimized.  Establishing boundaries may cause conflict at first, but ultimately be more satisfying -- because doing things we feel forced into doing often leads to resentment.  

Upholding our boundaries doesn't mean we can't be flexible.  Sometimes people negotiate -- they look for common ground.  Finding ways a situation can work for as many people as possible is a healthy part of any relationship.   However, there's a difference between negotiation, where we feel we are making a choice. and feeling as we have no choice.  It all comes down to good communication and finding solutions that fit with everyone's needs.  Just don't do that communicating during the movie at the Alamo Drafthouse!