Unconditional Love?

We've all heard the phrase, "unconditional love."  But what does that mean?  For example, what do we do when we find out our girlfriend is cheating?  Is that okay because we "unconditionally" love her?  Or what if our boyfriend bets away our rent money?  Do we still stand by his side as we are evicted from our apartment?  When our partners behave badly, how do we summon "unconditional love?" Do we even want to?

When we love someone unconditionally does it prove we are more highly-evolved human beings?  Or does it prove we are doormats who are willing to stand for anything our partners dish out?  I believe the truth is that unconditional love does not mean love without boundaries.  We can love someone and still feel that we have choices based on the way they are behaving.

All too often unconditional love is seen as a license by the other partner to do whatever they want.  Children do this all the time.  They test limits.  They don't feel responsibility to their parents' feelings.  Yet, good parents make sure they are not doormats.  They work with their child so that (s)he understands their responsibility in the family.  And I believe people in relationships need to do the same.

After all, you may love someone with all your heart.  However, if they place you in jeopardy by their inconsiderate behavior, lines have to be drawn.  You may love them unconditionally, but they have to know there are limits to what we are willing to live with in our lives.  And that's the real test.  Each of us needs to understand what our limits are, so that we can create boundaries to take care of ourselves.  When our partners are behaving badly or recklessly, we need to know what is important to us and make sure we are taken care of -- especially when our family members are not doing so.  In that way, we can still love the people in our lives unconditionally, but not have to be victims of their choices.