Often couples come into therapy when they're at the end of their ropes. They've tried everything and don't feel that there's anything else they can do to make their relationship work. So, in a last ditch effort before calling it quits, they decide to come in to therapy. Yikes! That's an awful lot of pressure. By the time most couples walk in the door, one or both of them are ready to walk out of the relationship. So, what's a therapist to do? We're not miracle workers -- we're not able to miraculously wave a wand and make things better for the couple. However, there's one thing very powerful that we can do. We can hold up "hope" for the couple.
What that means is, when a couple starts to give up on the idea that things can get better and they don't know what to do to fix the situation, we can maintain hope for the relationship. By doing this, we can help be the glue that at least holds the relationship together long enough for the couple to see if the relationship can be saved, and perhaps strengthened. Giving up is something couples often do long before they physically leave the relationship. As a result, by the time they're sitting down in a therapist's office, they have already exhausted most of their efforts to repair the relationship.
One of the reasons to actually sit down with a therapist goes beyond whether or not you feel you've done everything you can to make your relationship work. It comes down to having someone in the room who can believe in the possibility that the relationship can work -- that can be an advocate for the relationship. In this way, the relationship, as well as the two people involved in the relationship have someone to hold out hope for the situation.
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