How do we know which one a potential partner is going to be -- All surface level attraction (which lasts for a short time) or a deeper connection (that can last a lifetime) -- which is it going to be? I believe the answer becomes clearer when we truly understand ourselves. The more we know who we are and what we're looking for in a partner, the more likely we'll be to recognize that person when they show up in our lives. Knowing ourselves and what we truly want in a relationship can help us make better decisions when we are faced with whether or not to move forward with someone. It's by no means an exact science, but it seems to me that the more prepared we are, the more likely we will have a positive outcome.
It all seems so simple. You meet someone, you like their company, you fall in love... then as the weeks/months/years go by you continue getting to share life's experiences with them for the rest of your life. Simple -- right? Well... anyone who's been in a relationship for more than a few months knows that things don't always sail along so smoothly. Issues come up, people change their minds about their choices in life, and sometimes we find we didn't know our partners as well as we thought we did. So... while on the surface it may seem like relationships are pretty simple to get into and maintain, it couldn't be farther from the truth. Underneath the surface there are emotional and spiritual things going on that we really can't explain. For example... Why do we feel attracted to one person and not another? Is it just "looks" or something deeper? Why are there times we find someone attractive, but just don't feel connected to them? Why do conversations with one potential partner flow effortlessly for hours at a time, and with another each word can seem like pulling teeth? Have there been times when "on paper" a person looks perfect for you and yet there are no feelings that connect you when you actually meet them. Hmmm... maybe things are not as simple as they seem... So, how do we have a better chance of truly finding the right person for us? What can we do to make sure we connect with someone who will be right for us and we will feel connected to throughout our lives? First off, let's realize that connection can happen on many levels. It might be as simple as a pretty face and body, to feeling like you truly know someone on a deep, emotional level. And everything in between. How do we know which one a potential partner is going to be -- All surface level attraction (which lasts for a short time) or a deeper connection (that can last a lifetime) -- which is it going to be? I believe the answer becomes clearer when we truly understand ourselves. The more we know who we are and what we're looking for in a partner, the more likely we'll be to recognize that person when they show up in our lives. Knowing ourselves and what we truly want in a relationship can help us make better decisions when we are faced with whether or not to move forward with someone. It's by no means an exact science, but it seems to me that the more prepared we are, the more likely we will have a positive outcome. And even though there are millions of people out there who we can potentially partner with, finding the right person is not such a simple process. Many factors are considered when choosing a mate. We all want someone we can have a true connection with (and who we do the same for). And because we are so complex, and bring so much of our past into our present relationships, finding just the right person who can fit into our lives can feel like finding a needle in a haystack. Yet, the more clear we are about who we are and the things that are important to us in our lives, the more likely we will be able to recognize the right person when they show up in our lives.
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David Schwartz, M.S., LMFTDavid brings a wealth of life experience to his therapy practice. In addition to his therapy training, David has been a self-motivated entrepreneur for over 20 years, as well as working as a producer in the television industry. Archives
January 2021
CategoriesDavid Schwartz, MS., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist # 87261 -
Practicing at: 30961 Agoura Rd., Suite 215, Westlake Village, CA 91361 (818) 351-6258 |