Relationship problems...? When you and your partner have a disagreement, who's at fault? Why, your partner of course! Everyone knows that. Whenever there's a relationship conflict our partners are the ones at fault. I mean, everything we do is perfect, right? Our partners just don't get it. If only they listened more and did what we wanted things would work out so much better.
Okay... so maybe it's not as simple as that. As satisfying as it is to think that we have it all figured out and our partners just need to get with the program -- while that may lead to a certain satisfaction within ourselves, it certainly doesn't lead to a successful relationship.
Our society tends to encourage us to win at things. Sporting events, getting the best grades in school, finding the best job... it's all about winning. Yet in relationships, winning can sometimes be losing. How? Well, think about it. Suppose you win an argument with your partner and prove to them you were "right." Well, guess what? That made your partner wrong. And if you do that consistently by always arguing to be right, where does that leave your partner? Always being wrong! Who wants to live with that? Would you want to live with someone that was always right?
It seems more likely that the key to a successful relationship would be one where both people got to be right -- Where both people felt cared for, listened to, and understood. But how do we do that? Our whole society, in large part, is about being right. Making the right choice, doing the right thing, picking the right person. How do we find a way to be right and have our partner be right at the same time?
Okay... so maybe it's not as simple as that. As satisfying as it is to think that we have it all figured out and our partners just need to get with the program -- while that may lead to a certain satisfaction within ourselves, it certainly doesn't lead to a successful relationship.
Our society tends to encourage us to win at things. Sporting events, getting the best grades in school, finding the best job... it's all about winning. Yet in relationships, winning can sometimes be losing. How? Well, think about it. Suppose you win an argument with your partner and prove to them you were "right." Well, guess what? That made your partner wrong. And if you do that consistently by always arguing to be right, where does that leave your partner? Always being wrong! Who wants to live with that? Would you want to live with someone that was always right?
It seems more likely that the key to a successful relationship would be one where both people got to be right -- Where both people felt cared for, listened to, and understood. But how do we do that? Our whole society, in large part, is about being right. Making the right choice, doing the right thing, picking the right person. How do we find a way to be right and have our partner be right at the same time?
That's the trick, isn't it? Finding a way that both people can feel good about the situation. Finding out how to do that just may be the key to a long-term, happy relationship. What is the secret? It's finding ways that both people can be "right." Instead of having a monopoly on being right and your partner having to be wrong, how about finding ways you both can be right. Ways that each of you can feel heard, cared for and understood. It may be challenging at times, but it's not impossible.
You may find that working at having your own needs met and at the same time caring that your partners are met, can truly lead to a happy, caring relationship. While it may not always be easy, it certainly is a challenge worth taking on -- and it's a challenge that can lead to a more fulfilling relationship.
You may find that working at having your own needs met and at the same time caring that your partners are met, can truly lead to a happy, caring relationship. While it may not always be easy, it certainly is a challenge worth taking on -- and it's a challenge that can lead to a more fulfilling relationship.
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